2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
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should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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