a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my shit smells like andre
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
should my penis look like a turkey
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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