Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize