He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
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Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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