I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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