That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize