Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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