my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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