If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize