I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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