WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
where are you?
Hypothermia
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize