i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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