Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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