Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
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Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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