You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
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I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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