Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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