i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I have already put on my inside pants.
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