so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
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He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
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So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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