when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize