Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize