I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
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Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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