im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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