The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize