Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
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Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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