Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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