2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
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I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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