Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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