I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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