Well douche your snatch and let's go!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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