the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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