as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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