either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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