im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
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first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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