I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize