he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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