you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize