The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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