Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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