1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
In America we eat man semen.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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