I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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