Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize