I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize