We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
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How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
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I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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