I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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