And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Couch. On fire.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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