Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
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My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
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You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize