so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize