yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
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i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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