the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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