Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
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The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
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I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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