Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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